Dear my first love..

Dear you,

I can remember as clear as anything the first time we spoke and I sort of clocked that it was different to normal talk. You used to make me laugh at my phone for hours, god how stupid I looked. Before I met you, I wanted to make sure you weren't some 50 year old pervert, so we skyped. I was so scared but all you were bothered about was the pot doll which was "looking into your soul." You don't have a soul. 

There's no doubt that you made me happy, you did. When we first met I was borderline sick and I phoned you and said I didn't want to meet you, sorry about that I'm not sorry. We did meet though.. after you slipped, fell on your arse and tried to act cool.

See, I met you at a time when I needed someone, I needed a friend as corny as that sounded and maybe I did rush into it. Maybe we both did. I don't really understand why I always got the blame, why it was always me who rushed into it and it was all my fault. Because, why was it always my fault that I had work, why was it always my fault that I had to be in at a certain time? Why did you never step up and take the blame with me?

So dear my first love, what went wrong?

Because you never really liked the fact that Corey was and still is, my bestfriend did you? Or was it more to the point that after lending you so much money, even when we didn't go out, I stopped. Or more the fact that I liked going out with my friends, wearing dresses and sometimes I fucking fell over and show a bit of lace. was that it?

Or, was it that I found out your little secret. That our little thing wasn't just between us, that our relationship was more of a love, fucking octagon? 

After all that anger, after all the shouting, screaming and tears, I still care. not the way I care about my boyfriend, not that way. But more of the way that if you ever got ran over, I would care deeply.. about the car which hit you.

Now many would say what I'm doing is petty and some may even say I'm not over you (Which i am). I'm doing this because for so long you had the power to destroy me, you nearly did. so many of you who are reading this are going through the same thing. Are hurting over the same people over and over again. I know that my followers are a lot stronger than me, so if I can say goodbye to my ex, so can you.

You will always be my first love, I can never change that, nor would I want to. But, you will never, ever have the control over me like you did. so this is a goodbye. A smiley, happy Anna who has a boyfriend who loves her, a family who cares about her and friends who are there, goodbye. Now fuck off.

Boy, byeee!

Mwah

X x x